Rant: What Nationalizing the Banks Means for America

October 9th, 2008

It means that this upcoming election, we’ll find ourselves answering to the Shah

Because if it’s one thing America does, it’s place oppressive tin-horn dictators in charge of countries that nationalize portions of their economy. So next January, I fully expect to see some ill-tempered military man making sure that America’s Businessmen are protected from the poor people they gouge.

And it doesn’t matter how I vote, because surely rigging the vote is part of America’s Interest. So bring on the Military Man and America’s Mommy.

Fact: Dear Obama: I’ll be your webmaster

September 9th, 2008

Barack Obama Web Site Error. I wonder if he ever logs in and checks /home/obama/Maildir?So in order to help beat “The Barracuda” and her crypt-keeper running mate, I went to donate to the Barack Obama campaign. …Guess what I got, instead? PHP ERRORS, YAY!

If only he’d had Al Gore write the site. I mean, he helped invent the internet!

Seriously, Senator Obama, I’ll come help you. Though I want my $15 back.

Rant: A Political Epiphany about the Grand Old Party

September 4th, 2008

So after watching the Jon Stewart “republican pundit doublethink” bit, and after hearing that the Fox News team are referring–un-ironically–to Palin as a media “star”, I’ve figured it out; and it’s shocking.

The Republicans can only be The Jedi.

Karl Rove comes on TV and waves his hands and says ’20 months is plenty experience’ and across this great nation, a hundred and seventy million people mumble along: ’20 months is plenty’. My god… if he said “you will take me to Jabba now”, I guarantee that we’d build intergalactic time machines to find a galaxy long, long ago and far, far away and take him to Jabba now. Fuckin’ Jedi, man. The spiritual guardians of the Old Republic. …ans. Old Republicans. …Ahem.

Anyway… I mean… it’s either that or the narrow majority of Americans are morons

Review: Google Chrome Is the Most Awesome Browser Since Mosaic

September 2nd, 2008

Full stop.

…Okay, so you want me to explain myself….

First off: yes yes, I know, based on WebKit, so it lacks that Mozilla Power, and; it’s yet another Google Permanent Beta! program, and; Chrome’s EULA says that they can use the things you browse in ads, and send you ads, and; IE8 had all that months ago, and; it’s only for “Winblow$”. 

And I don’t care. 

The tabs-at-the-top idea is brilliant and obvious (you see what I did there? how I implied I was brilliant?). The multiple processes-per-tab is brilliant. The Javascript performance is breathtaking (and yes, I’m that kind of nerd, who faints at javascript). The home page is awesome. The speed is fantastic. It’s everything Safari could be if Apple weren’t run by a guy who thought brushed metal was a great idea. 

I love it. And yes, I’m going to marry it. 

Addendum: Note well the menu-option “Create Application Shortcuts…”. This is the hammer that rings the bell that sounds Microsoft’s doom. And that bell, forged in the NeXT Cube of CERN, is the dark canvas Steve Jobs uses to write this dark prophecy.

…really, I could go on. Heck, I could link “doom” to one of the canvas-based 3d shooters. …I think what I’m saying here is that Steve Jobs has had it in for Gates for a longer time than any of us thought.

Story: The Bible, as I recall it

August 25th, 2008

“In the Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and Void; and a darkness was upon the face of the Deep. And so the Spirit of God moved across the face of the Waters, and God Said “Let there be Light” and there was light, and God saw the Light, and it was good.

Then God got all squiffy drunk and made the manifold platypuses and wombats and stoats, and those odd little things that swim about in the ocean and are transparent and glowy. And God looked down upon them and said “Let There Be Land”, for he hadn’t gotten to that point yet, and some of the platypuses and stoats had drowned. And God thus made the beaches and beer-shacks and taquerias, and the Puerto Ricans and the French. And then God took a lesser part of himself and molded Man. And God breathed into Man the essence of spirit, which smelled a bit off, for God had been eating taquitos and doing shots with the Puerto Ricans.

Man awoke in the Forest Primeval, and rubbed his eyes, and scratched his genitals, and stretched, and said “Oi! Where’s the birds, wot?” And so God laid Man to rest, and took of him a rib, and most of his brain, and made Woman.

Then god took a nap, for he’d had quite enough work. Then he watched his soaps. Then made a pie, and forgot all about Man and Woman, and the stoats and platypuses.

And so here we are today.

Amen.”

(I was testing a new word processor, while drunk)

Magic!